De-cluttering Grief

Clutter is a physical manifestation of fear that cripples our ability to grow.”
H.G. Chissell

Every day the sun rises and shines inviting us to propel forward. We can pinch off this movement by staying stuck to our past. I discovered this for myself recently when I opened a couple of boxes that I had stored for over 17 years that held items from the weekend in which the tragic and sudden death of my childhood friend. Inside were special items I had been preserving the memories of a dear friend. At least that is what I had told myself, instead I found what I was really doing was staying stuck with the grief.

During the first period of shock and grief, I had made a hasty decision to store everything, thinking I would get back to it, but I never did. I unearthed a mountain of stuck and trapped energy that went way beyond what I had initially stored. Somehow the energy trapped felt multiplied by 10 fold.

It had been years since the accident. Opening the contents of the boxes all the same feelings hit me like a ton of bricks, releasing the floodgate of stored memories. The grief, despair and sadness were all there, waiting for me. The wave of grief made me weak in the knees and my stomach felt nauseous. I had to sit down and take some deep breaths realizing that it was time to release the items in order to fully complete the grieving process.

Once the decision was made to let it go then everything started to shift. Then a walk to get some fresh air and I felt ready. Knowing what I needed to do, I performed a personal ceremony. I lit a candle for him and said my good-byes smudging the items with sage. I placed them one by one in either the giveaway or the throw away boxes. Some of the items I was able to send to my friend’s son, who I asked first. He later told me that receiving those few items from his father meant everything to him as he was going through a difficult period.

My heart felt lighter and the feeling of lightness increased throughout the day.

That night, as my head hit the pillow, I was in a deeper peace than I had been for a long time. The ultimate gift was that during the night my dear friend appeared to me in a dream in which we danced. De-cluttering allowed me to release something that was so trapped in me that I wasn’t even aware of until I did the work. I believe that for my friend to show up for me in my dream meant that this process brought peace to him as well.

The next morning there was such an increase of energy, power and desire to move forward in ways that I had previously felt trapped in. I felt free and spacious within my body, mind and spirit. I know that great things are now and will continue coming my way as a result.

Flow Chart on how to De-Clutter items from a loved one.

Ask yourself, in regard to the item(s) that you are considering letting go of, the following question:

Is this item good enough to hold the memory of the beautiful and unique relationship?

If yes, then find a way to honor it by making a scrap book, a shadow box or some other way.

If, not ask if it is time to let the item and recognize it as what it is. It is highly charged clutter that holds your power back from going forward. Honor this process by creating a personal ceremony to let it go.

This may be lighting a candle, saying a prayer and/or burning it. Be open to your intuition telling you how to let it go.

You may feel moved to give it away. If so, do you know of anyone else that would love to have this item?

Please remember to ask them before you give it to them.

Whatever you decide to do with those items, there is no wrong way, only your way.

What I know for sure is when you let something go with sensitivity and awareness, the way to let it go becomes known as well.

Ultimately, in letting go there is greater compassion for yourself and your loved one.